I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
