She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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