I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
did i just pee glitter
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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