Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
