He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize