And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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