His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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