I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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