Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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