Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
God, I missed his penis.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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