where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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