I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
