we have officially lost it.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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