so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
