what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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