dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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