at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
