dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
