Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
