Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
