you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
