it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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