Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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