So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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