Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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