oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
