Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
she smelled like a LAN party
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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