not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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