tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
