If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
