Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
