I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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