I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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