1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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