For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
