just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
