Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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