I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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