It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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