so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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