Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
