So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
