I can tuck mytits in my pants
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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