Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
