i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
