I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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