Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
