so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
please come you make the beer taste better
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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