Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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