Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
What changed your mind?
Being sober
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
