Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
