is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
