If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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