Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize