Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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