ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
