just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
