Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
