why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
