Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize