I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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