How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
