i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
