i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
