i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
