I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
