I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
