we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
