First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I want a musical about memes.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
