What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
